What Needs To Be Said
All day, I kept telling myself I shouldn’t say anything. Then I realized: What the fuck? I write 372 self-righteous blog posts every day without ever having anything to say. Why should this be any different?
So here goes: I found Dan’s post tactless. I mean, really, what kind of a complete and total blowhard makes over-the-top proclamations about his workplace in a public forum?
I also found JR’s response inappropriate. A real boss, like the kind I respect, would do something classy. Like, you know, starting a public pissing match with another blog from his own company. Or interrogating a visiting tech exec on camera after she declines an on-camera interview. That’s how real men handle business.
Many of you are watching eSarcasm unravel before your very eyes. That sucks. It sucks for me, too — because, let’s face it, I have no actual qualifications aside from being willing to say anything to get a rise out of people. But eSarcasm is too big to fail. Literally — it’s like the size of that giant from those old green bean commercials. What was his name, again? Henry? Harry? Anyway, point is, he’s one big dude.
The truth: The Almighty eSarcasm Overlord has not reached out to me once in this entire situation. Neither has the landlord of our building, the city council member assigned to our district, or the surprisingly spry Asian man who delivers sandwiches to our office every Tuesday. You’d think these people would realize that they’re supposed to run all decisions by me, a low-level employee who writes for a website. Evidently, they don’t. I’m not losing over sleep over it (I take Lunesta out the yin-yang), but still, it’s curious.
No matter what happens, though, don’t worry, because I’ll be fine. My uncle knows a guy who’s married to a woman whose old college roommate’s cousin used to work at Apple, so I’ll totally get a job there if this thing falls through. (That guy’s the same one who gives us all our juicy Apple rumors, by the way. Great source.)
Dan’s post is dangerous. He’s shining the spotlight on something, but he’s missing the mark. There is exactly one person to blame for all of this. Well, maybe two. Possibly three. But anyway, the point is…wait a minute, what we were talking about, again?
— Stanley “Dr. Smartass” Dorkus
eSarcasm Medical Correspondent/Gynecologist (license pending)
